Hands Are for Loving

Art by Sarah Emam

‘Hands are for loving’ [1]

She loved me with age spots and short nails. Her skin, cracked from years of hard work, is rough against my tender cheek. Her hands caress. Don’t worry. Hands are for loving. 

Not the paddle, though. ‘One quick sting.’ One quick sting across a face not an hour ago, gently held, one quick sting, leaves only a small mark. Does not ‘cause harm to the child that lasts for more than a short period’ [2], so it’s okay. I’m okay. 

‘Hands are for loving’ like mothers are for loving. No other mother I ever knew, this is my mother, and she is loving.

‘All of the evidence before me causes me to have some concerns that the children are at some risk of physical abuse in the care of their mother, but the evidence is not sufficient to allow me to find that the risk is unacceptable.’ 

My mother is an acceptable risk to me. She is loving. She ‘presents in a disorganised and chaotic fashion’ but her risk to me is not unacceptable. She will not discipline with her hands because her hands are for loving.  

I ‘had been cheeky.’ 

She hit me to discipline me. 

She took me to the hospital the next morning. She said, ‘the force she used was not excessive.’

They told me to take an afternoon nap. I didn’t want to take an afternoon nap. The world was still so big and bright and exciting to me. There was so much to see and explore. Why should I waste hours of this glowing afternoon asleep. 

I lay still on my bed but did not fall asleep. I could not go to sleep, not with my imagination running circles in my mind. 

Nor could I go to sleep when he ‘took a nearby extension cord.’ Could not sleep once I had ‘started to cry’ and then she ‘took hold of the extension cord and also struck the victim.’ 

Am I ‘the victim’? Cannot be a victim of my mother’s hands. 

She has ‘a reputation as a good mother.’

‘This incident was “out of character.”’

Naked and shivering, I stood in front of the wash trough waiting for my turn to shower. A line of boys behind me, Uncle Terry supervising. This was our routine, day in day out, and as my skin prickled with goosebumps, my mind wandered to this evening’s meal; the homework I had to do tonight; the football game this weekend. 

I felt a sharp shove in my back and Terry barking at me to ‘come on, move along.’ I stumbled, shaken from my daze and fell into the cold stone trough in front of me. My forehead split open, and blood trickled down my cheek and dropped into the sink. 

‘Occasioning a cut above his right eye.’ 

Terry sat on the witness stand and ‘lacked candour.’

Convicted at trial of nine counts of abuse but splitting my eye open on the wash trough was not one.  

I deserved to be corrected. Never should have let my mind wander. Should have showered faster.

He lawfully corrected me. What a good mentor, always wanting the best for me. Correcting me when I stray.

I bring you these stories from long ago the last decades. Find in the next pages stories of how we have changed. Find archaic laws yet to be unwritten. 

Author’s note: This piece has been inspired by several cases involving the defence of lawful correction - exploring the facts brought before the courts and arguments made both for and against the perpetrators assault against children. I have taken the particularly powerful and shocking quotes from these cases to craft this piece as a critique of the defence of lawful correction. While the basic facts of the cases and their outcomes are true, I have taken creative licence and do not claim this piece to be a thorough and accurate depiction of the nuances of each of the cases referred to.

Notes:

[1]  Runcorn v Raine [2008] FamCA 837, [280].

[2] Crimes Act 1900 (NSW) s 61AA(2)(b). 

Bibliography

Crimes Act 1900 (NSW)

Greef, Laetita-Ann, ‘The relevance of lawful correction in contemporary Australia: A reply to the NSW Attorney-General’ (2023) 48(4) Alternative Law Journal 296

Hume v Moore [2003] NTSC 84

McIver v R [2020] NSWCCA 343

Runcorn v Raine [2008] FamCA 837